Sunday, June 18, 2006

The day that changed my life

I stared at the starless sky, feeling so empty, so unloved. How I wish he is right here beside me, even for a second, would be enough. I knew it was impossible. There's no way that I can turn back time now. The thought of him caused a pang of sadness as the harsh reality of our break up gripped me. Tears were accumulating in my eyes and after a few blinks, they started falling. I clutched my chest tightly and sobbed hard, then dashed out of my house. My face is all wet. Then I realized I am drenched. It is pouring heavily and I stood there, without moving an inch. This scene was just like that day, that day when you told me you didn't want to continue anymore.

"Hello?"
"Hey. It's me. I'm outside your house now. Is it convenient for you to come out and meet me?"
"Sure. Bye."
I took a shirt haphazardly and wore it, before running out to meet Jonathan. "That was fast." He mumbled under his breath and was looking down at the ground, instead of looking right into my eyes like he usually would. "I just want to tell you that..." he paused for a moment, "I think it's better for us to be just friends." He looked at me and his eyes were innocent, yet guilty. I tried holding back my tears but they were disobedient, and started flowing down my cheeks. I thrust my hand out and slapped him hard. Just then, it started drizzling, then the raindrops started getting bigger and more and it was soon pouring. I looked at my right hand. It was this hand who sent a slap across his face. Was it painful? Did it leave a mark? These questions started racing through my mind. I shouldn't have slapped him. It must have hurt him. "This slap is nothing. I bet the pain you're experiencing now is far worse than this." It was as though he could read my mind. Then, he looked at me, with those gentle and caring eyes, like how he used to. But something was missing. It was the love he had for me. "I'm sorry." He managed to force it out of him, before walking away, leaving me alone at this barren side walk. I fell to the ground, crying, and clutching my chest tightly. My heart hurts so much that I couldn't take it. I staggered back to the house and shut myself up in my room. Everything, everyone, is just fraudulent.

Since that day, I have never changed my view of people and things around me. I'll never forget that fateful day. That day when my heart was shattered. That day when I've decided to isolate myself from others. That day when I can never bring myself to trust anybody again.

10:51 PM
Cartoon KAT-TUN II You <3